Be Bigger

Aug 12 2013

I really screwed up.

The next friendship rule in our series is Be Bigger. Bigger than girl drama, bigger than the differences we see in each other. It is so timely for me, because... I wasn't.

A while ago I found myself in the middle of two of my dearest friends. Both are extremely different women whose friendships mean a great deal to me, but I closed my eyes to a toxic situation that was unfolding because I wasn't strong enough to stand up when I should have. I chose the easy path of following one to the point of exclusion, which I knew meant hurting the other. Still, I went along with something that was wrong because it meant avoiding conflict, fitting in, and even denying there was an issue. I convinced myself that it was okay until I saw, this time from a slight distance, the pattern developing again. And then I felt sick.

I am not angry with anyone here other than myself. I allowed this. I was not true to myself. I sacrificed my own standards. I would be a hypocrite if I kept writing in this space without sharing what I am learning the hard way. I am incredibly grateful that even before I asked for it, the friend whom I hurt forgave me. She humbles me.

KS Friendship Rule #8: You can be bigger.

It's no coincidence that this is the song constantly looping in my head - it's precisely what I want to say.

- Penny

You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug

You can be the outcast

Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love

Or you can start speaking up

Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do

When they settle 'neath your skin

Kept on the inside and no sunlight

Sometimes a shadow wins

But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

Everybody's been there,

Everybody's been stared down by the enemy

Fallen for the fear

And done some disappearing,

Bow down to the mighty

Don't run, stop holding your tongue

Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live

Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence

Won't do you any good,

Did you think it would?

Let your words be anything but empty

Why don't you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave