In the good round of karma

                 

It's thanksgiving and we are reminded to be thankful for everything that we have in our lives. It's my intention to practice gratitude everyday when I wake up, however the day starts and I run like a robot. When my father was alive, every thanksgiving we would circle the table and say one thing we were grateful for. This year during the hustle of a large family dinner, we missed the tradition. I felt the void, and decided to list the people and the things that I am grateful for. My list was very traditional; my daughters, my family and my friends. It got me thinking about all the people who I appreciate and never tell. I often wonder at a funeral if the deceased really knew how everyone felt about them. It was in this whole heartedness that I decided to be brave and send out the love. This is not an easy task, as it's very vulnerable to tell people how you feel about them. So I started texting, calling and emailing various people who have touched my life. Just a few sentences that I appreciate them and that I was grateful that they are part of my crazy world. What was suppose to be a 10 min project turned into two hours. It was an endless list of friends and family (if you are reading this and didn't get a text, I apologize.) The responses from those that I reached was overwhelming. The best part of the appreciation project was the return love. It is all the proof I need about karma. Good or bad, what goes around comes back around. It feels fantastic in the good round of karma. Happy Thanksgiving.

Careful with the Advice

Careful with the Advice

Be Bigger

Aug 12 2013

I really screwed up.

The next friendship rule in our series is Be Bigger. Bigger than girl drama, bigger than the differences we see in each other. It is so timely for me, because... I wasn't.

A while ago I found myself in the middle of two of my dearest friends. Both are extremely different women whose friendships mean a great deal to me, but I closed my eyes to a toxic situation that was unfolding because I wasn't strong enough to stand up when I should have. I chose the easy path of following one to the point of exclusion, which I knew meant hurting the other. Still, I went along with something that was wrong because it meant avoiding conflict, fitting in, and even denying there was an issue. I convinced myself that it was okay until I saw, this time from a slight distance, the pattern developing again. And then I felt sick.

I am not angry with anyone here other than myself. I allowed this. I was not true to myself. I sacrificed my own standards. I would be a hypocrite if I kept writing in this space without sharing what I am learning the hard way. I am incredibly grateful that even before I asked for it, the friend whom I hurt forgave me. She humbles me.

KS Friendship Rule #8: You can be bigger.

It's no coincidence that this is the song constantly looping in my head - it's precisely what I want to say.

- Penny

You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug

You can be the outcast

Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love

Or you can start speaking up

Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do

When they settle 'neath your skin

Kept on the inside and no sunlight

Sometimes a shadow wins

But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

Everybody's been there,

Everybody's been stared down by the enemy

Fallen for the fear

And done some disappearing,

Bow down to the mighty

Don't run, stop holding your tongue

Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live

Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence

Won't do you any good,

Did you think it would?

Let your words be anything but empty

Why don't you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

Have Her Back

                                                          

KS Rule #7: Have her Back

(and sometimes that just means a good comeback)

We've all experienced the uncomfortable cocktail party moment of being confronted by that person in a social situation who feels no shame about asking an intrusive question... "So, how much did your house renos cost?"... " So, when are you two going to have kids?"... And, wait for it: "So, you're friends with ___. What's the story with her marriage these days?"

There it is. The acquaintance looking for the gossip on your gilrfriend. I HATE that and never quite know how to deal with it on the spot. Janet, Shelley and I have been talking about "magic words" to redirect these girl-code-violating conversations. It's so hard. But so important. 

We discussed a few that I need to remember to try: Wow, where did that come from? or You know, I'm her close friend and I've never even asked her that. Or the direct It's really none of my business.

Below is what sparked discussion about this rule. What are some of your best magic words for this situation?

Penny

Support from a friend is something that we all need. We might not understand the circumstances around a decision that another person makes. However, can we recognize what works for someone else might not necessarily work for you, and leave it at that? Which leads to this question; How do you handle a situation where a very personal decision you have made is challenged by an acquaintance who has no interest in the decisions you make? Offering guidance to friends is an integral part of friendship, but it has to be wanted by the receiver (note to self, as I can offer advice when I should be listening). Is there a magic word or sentence to shut down what feels like judgment when the situation arrives? I have had some experience with this: getting divorced with four kids opened a window for nosy neighbours and so-called friends to lay on the Dear Abby advice. I soon learned to change the subject quickly, as I often felt like I was being attacked. I had a few zingers up my sleeve; my harshest was, "Can you tell me how it affects you"? It was blunt and to the point, and I typically never heard from those people again, which was ok, as I don't need friends who judge me. My favourite, softer version: "I am not prepared to talk about this now. How is your summer?." This always sent a clear message that it wasn't the time or the place to bring up the subject, and rarely did I hear any other thoughts on my life decisions once I set that guideline. We can all use more compassion and understanding, let's let the judgment go. On my very last footstep on this earth, I will look back and know it was my life, and my experience.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you'll be criticized anyway."     - Eleanor Roosevelt

Janet

Friendship rule #6- Be generous.

Be Generous...

Jul 14 2013

KS Friendship Rule #6: Be Generous with your Praise

When we started discussing Karmasister friendship rules, we really wanted to get at the roots of the dynamic of our group simply because of its easy (and shocking to many) harmony. One thing we noticed is that all of the favourite girls in our lives make an effort to "pump each other up" (thank you Laura for the phrase). No one is shy to point out another's stunning new bangs, dewy skin, or lights-out golf game. Sometimes over wine there are side conversations about how polite someone's child was when she wasn't around, or how graciously she faced a challenging situation. When a friend looks in your eyes and pays you a genuine compliment, it means so much.

I maintain that the essential factor in being able to dole out authentic praise is a certain comfort level within our own skin. If we hold on to insecurity, then competitiveness and comparison take over and don't allow us to share in our friend's light as she shines. Of course, it takes awhile to get to that point. Finding your group - girls who can be happy for your success - can be a long road. As we've said before, theReal Housewives shows do such a disservice to the picture of female friendship. It's a shame that women buy into that model of drama and toxicity. Because it feels so fantastic to walk into a room of friends and know that there is embracing over comparing, and celebrating over competing. 

Penny

Stampede Rules for Girlfriends

Stampede Rules for Girlfriends

Jul 08 2013

1. Girlfriends won't let you leave your house with a handkerchief on as a top. It wasn't designed to cover the front of your body, and it doesn't. Put it on your head, or in your pocket, and cover the girls and midriff. It's Stampede week in Calgary and it got the girls talking about friendship rules that might apply for this annual July mayhem. For you readers outside of Alberta, it is a wild ten day ride of beer-drinking, saloon-hopping, two-stepping madness. To avoid waking up to those unfriendly companions we call the Regret and Remorse Sisters, it's important this week to be diligent with our friends. We discussed a few rules that help each other get through Stampede safely without discovering that any of our antics have become viral internet sensations.

2. Don't fall for the 'save a horse, ride a cowboy' line. Horses carry people. Enough said.

3. Daisy Dukes are just not for everyone. If more is hanging out the bottom than covered up, you need bigger bottoms.

4. Miniskirts and mechanical bulls..... Not a match. Don't let a friend do it no matter how much she wants to.

5. Never leave a girlfriend behind. After 1:00 AM it's nearly impossible to get a cab, and it's an ugly rodeo out there. Stay together or leave together.

6. A "few" shots are never a good idea. Especially after a long shift in the sun at the beer gardens.

7. No posting to any social media after two drinks. Just stop each other.

8. "It's not cheating, it's stampeding" is really not a clause in marriage or relationships. (Yes, out-of-towners... this one is used. Too often.)

9. No matter how cute that cowboy seems, don't let your girlfriend give him her real email address. Cell phone number is a stretch. 

10. Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Or hop in with a drunk behind the wheel. We wish it didn't have to be said but just promise yourself you won't.

Have fun stampeding and stick together out there! Yahoo, sisters!

Taking turns... getting personal

Taking turns... getting personal