New hair day

It was my new hair day today. Every 7 weeks I get these grey pieces in my head that remind me that I am not 18. I have to tell you, I prefer to look at my life through young eyes. Something happens on new hair day for me... my hair goes crazy. Its like going to the vet with Kaos, they just know someone with gloves are coming. I am sure Zizi my beloved care giver to the curls always thinks I walk around looking like birds are trying to nest in it. Once she has brushed, colored, and straightened I walk out a new woman. Somehow walking around with straight hair makes me step different. Its a very sophisticated grown up look. Much like putting on a great outfit and knowing it looks good. Can I really change my life by changing my hair? Possibly, but I like who I am with my crazy wild red hair, fits into my life. But every 7 weeks, it feels good to grow up... but only for two days.

Two Days to school & Two toxic shows

Two days and counting until the most wonderful day of the year... Back to school. The girls are ready. New clothes and shoes are bought. Back packs full of supplies, and they even have new hair cuts. It is time that they get back into a routine. They have spent the last week watching the most toxic T.V. shows. Big brother and bachelor pad. I sat down for 10 min and tried to watch, but was shocked how these people talked to each other and the back stabbing. I pulled out my soap box, stepped on and launched into my dialogue about how we should treat our friends. They of course all asked me to leave as it was only a T.V show. Is it really? Are these shows teaching kids to add more drama into their lives? I guess that is why I have stopped watching T.V. and reading the newspaper. It is like mold in my life. I have my own drama to deal with, and I don’t need to learn how to add anymore. I just hope that I am not sending my daughters off on the first day of school looking to “eliminate” anyone from their classrooms.

***I feel a backlash from all my friends who love these two shows***

Me, Myself & I

Being on vacation by yourself requires some bravery.  It requires stepping out and doing things.. alone.  I decided driving to the mountains that I would just step out and join in without any extra thinking.  I always tell the girls if you want to be included sometimes you just need to ask, so I took my own advice.   I have a voice in my head that tells me things that are untrue.  Like,  your not brave, everyone will think your lonely, or my favorite, your a fraud.  So,  I left that voice in my room and I looked for tennis lessons, wine tasting, nature walks, anything that would get me out.  People were intrigued when I told them I was on vacation with my favorite people... me, myself and I.  They almost wanted to take me in,  like a lost puppy.    I went for breakfast, a long hike and joined a group at golf.    I had dinner at the pub, sat at the bar and eventually got invited to the employee party (I declined at the mention of shots).  When I left this morning, I took the long way home, down a back bumpy secluded road and stopped a few times to enjoy the view.   I was not in a rush,  savoring my last moments before the hustle of the city.     I am found out how easy it can be to travel alone.  I only needed to make one person happy.... Me.. I really need to do it more often. 

Be gone to do girl

I was all grown up today, spending a late lunch at one of my favorite restaurant with friends. I have always fantasized about the people lunching on the patio on sunny warm Saturdays as I drove by in a frenzy. What would it be like to have a day, where you look back and really nothing got done? Does everything on my “to do” need to happen? I often force jobs on myself, and I am not sure why. Maybe it is so at the end of the day I can pat myself on the back. Today, as I left “lunch” at 5, I looked back and I had accomplished nothing. As a matter of fact, I was 3 hours behind schedule. I was suppose to be in the mountains hugging a tree by 5. A feeling of guilt began to engulf me, but as fast as it came to me, was as fast as I let it go. I lunched today like an adult, and left my stressed out “to do” list girl at home. Sometimes having multiple personalities really is fantastic.

Create? Peace!

“What do you want to create?” Is my life coach, Kerry’s favorite question... “I don’t know” is my answer.  I think she knows what I should do with my life, but she is waiting for me to find it.  It would save so much walking down this twisty road of my so called life, if she would just drop the hint.    If you ever read ancient chinese proverbs they are all centered around themes like, “its not the destination its the journey”... I feel like I have been on this journey for a long time and somedays I just want the lawn chair, umbrella and a drink.  So I am taking a time out and heading to the mountains this weekend to recharge.  No kids, no friends, just me, myself and I.   We travel well together, we like the same things,  we think the same thoughts and we never snore.    We have no plans, no agenda, and no organized activities.  We will enjoy peace and quiet.  This destination is about me,  myself and I.

Italy anyone?

I am collecting pieces of a puzzle and the picture is my life.   Everyday I find a piece, something that I want in my picture.  Sometimes I pick up pieces look at the sides to see if it will fit, maybe even put it in the pile but later find out it doesn’t.   I have no idea what the final picture looks like, as this puzzle came without a box cover.  I tossed around with some friends today about taking the girls away to Italy to teach english for 6 months.  What a great puzzle piece!  I couldn’t imagine what fun we would have embracing a new culture and language.    Six months of our lives for a lifetime of memories... Yup, I think that is a piece I will keep.

Dog days of summer

Tonight I laughed for 2 hour straight sitting on a patio at a friends house enjoying the last bits of summer.  There were no mosquitos to chase us in, eventually just the cool night air.  I really had  that carefree teenager feeling of August.  It brings back memories of late nights just staring at the stars, wanting to soak up every last moment knowing that school and fall were around the corner.   Summers are so short and today I spent a good chunk of time inside.   I am now making a pledge to enjoy every last minute of this weather,  before September hits and the leaves change color.   Laughter on a patio, with friends, can’t think of any better way to spend the last dog days of summer. 

I am not cool

Apparently, I am not cool...Its been hard to take the news. But today, the oldest girls wouldn’t hang with me at the lake. This shocks me, I am so much fun around the water. I swim, throw the football, attempt volleyball, and always pack the best picnic. I know looking back to my high school years, I didn’t want to “chill” with Jackie, but how do I make memories with the teenagers in this house if they won’t spend the time with me and the sisters? I have several ideas, mostly to do with grounding, money bribes and other forms of Mom torture, including walking them to class in my P.J’s . Family time is vital for me, and something that this family needs. When I have grandchildren, I want to be able to tell them that I have always been the underwater handstand champ in the family. Right now I have no competition, Billie can’t go as deep in the water.. Yes, I am that competitive, especially when it comes to beach and pool Olympics.

girls are back in town

It is official, my house is back in order. Hayley arrived home from her week vacation with a girlfriend and it will be the first night that all four girls will be under this roof since July 14th. When one of the girls is not here, I always feel like I have forgotten something. Its like that sensation when you get to the top of the stairs and you can’t remember what you were going to get. We have 11 days until school starts and a small to do list. Child labour camp starts next week. There are reasons why I had so many children.

Moms the word

Mom, is noun verb and an adjective..  Hallmark cards has made an incredible amount of money on this one word.  As we grow older  we think of this term as a overwhelming form of love and apprietation.  My heart swells with the thoughts of my mother making cookies, sewing costumes, or making dinner.    Now as a mother, mom means work.... It doesn't matter how you say  it... Its work.   Mom, what time....?  Mom where is my....? Mom can you drive me...?  Mom whats for dinner?   Why do they need three meals a day?  Tonight,  I had  “Mom... I love you” .. wow... No food order for the mom chef or any other request.  Sometimes it only takes one moment out of a million to know why everyday you decide to “just be a mom”..  

Happy 97th Grandma

Its Grandma Harris’s 97 birthday today. Grandma is not like most in her 90’s. She still lives in her own apartment, walks to walmart to get her groceries and even jumps on the bus to go downtown when the mood strikes. She is slowing down and I can hear it in her voice. She had decided at 97 she didn’t feel like going out for her birthday and stayed home. She felt she has earned that right, and she has. She grew up in a immigrant family from Sweden. In her late teens she was the “deer ridge beauty” and one look from my grandfather was all it took to steal his heart. To this day she still is that beauty and wont leave her house unless she has brushed her hair and has put on her good clothes. With 3 kids, 8 grandchildren, and 15 great grandchildren, she has left her legacy on earth. I love how she finds a purpose in everyday, this is probably the secret to her long life. I have added a photo of her with her most beloved sister Daisy who passed away last year. Happy Birthday Grandma, you still inspire 4 generations.

Sleepover.. Ha!

I am that Mom.. that mom that has the parties, sleepovers and always has good candy. Today Kate shared her soccer team 12th birthday party with Samara. Well, I can honestly say we highjacked it. Lianne, Samaras mom sent out the birthday invitation, planned the party and then I asked if we could combine the parties, so a movie and sleepover and here I am at 1:00 am with a basement full of girls playing truth or dare. I am not sure why they call it a sleepover, as no one sleeps, and why is there so much banging? As we grow into adults, unless it is absolutely necessary we never sleep anywhere but our own beds. As the night carries on, I will be down at least 3 times to tell them to be quiet, offer my form of discipline which generally is some form of cleaning.. toilets always seem to work. This is childhood, we all have memories of staying up all night, and we all wish we could get back to this time in our life when it all seemed so simple. To the courage soccer girls in my basement, the only worry they have is not to be the first person who falls asleep, as your photo might be posted on face-book. Times have changed, but kid fun is still just fun. Just not fun for the mom.

To do not done again...

“What do I have to get done” is always the first thought of everyday.   But now at the end of this day,  nothing I thought I could do,  got done.  I made lists, girls resorted to  leaving me post it notes for their appointments, and I even emailed myself so I have a record.  It all seems to be adding to the stress level.  Now I have extra paper around and more emails on my computer.    I have a pile of organizers, apps and planners  but I always find its just another system I have to maintain.   Writing down all the appointments on a large paper Mom calendar seemed  like a great idea, however it still needs to be filled.   I just bought  an audio tape “getting things done,  the art of stress free productivity”.   This could be the audio tape to change my world.  Or,   I could say no, stop procrastinating and learn that their will be DAYS that nothing gets done.  Hey,  everyday of the week ends in a “day”,  just procrastinating out loud.   

All about family

Today was all about family.  Family in all different ways.  First,  it is my little sister Jills birthday.  She is only 16 months younger than me and we often behave like twins.    Like all sisters growing up we were enemies and best friends.     I have memories of epic fights and epic fun.    She always got into the best parties in high school on my coat tails  as “baby griz”.   I can’t imagine my life without her, in an instant she can make me laugh right from the bottom of my belly.    This afternoon, Cassidy arrived home from Ghana.  She is sick, losing her voice, exhausted and skinnier than when she left.   My first impression was 30 days had matured her, but soon found out she is still my little girl as I tucked her into bed.  When she arrived through the gate at the airport her face lit up  as she was greeted by a small entourage of family members.   I watched her sadly say goodbye to her traveling mate,  Meagan.   They had spent over 720 hours together, shared every experience and had become like sisters.     Finally,  Kate was delivered home from her “soccer family”.  She was in Lethbridge for outdoor soccer provincials.   The “courage” swoops in to help whenever I need them.  They are Kate’s village, and my support.   Today,  I realized that family can only be defined by where they are held in my heart.  

paper in my book

There is that old saying that you just can't judge a book by the cover, it's the pages inside that matter.
Well, I can tell you my pages don't look that great. My personal wealth was just delivered to my house on a page and it is no indication on how happy or fulfilled my life is. It only tell me how much credit I have. I recently tried a dating site on a suggestion by a friend and on "paper". I am a full time Mom with 4 daughters, I scream high maintenance. I didn't Mention the dog Kaos or my complicated starbucks order. It is no reflection on who I am personally... Just my situation. It will take a saint to take on my household. So where does that leave me? Shredding paper and removing my profile. You just can't judge my book by my paper.

2 seconds ago ·  ·  · 

Hayley got her learners

Hayley got her learners license today. It took her a few times. When I say a few, it was more than 3 and less than 5. At 14, she thought it is an easy test and didn’t study. Now that I think about it, I am not sure she had the book the first time she wrote it. The second time, she had reviewed the book and remember the questions she got wrong. 3rd time was close, she had read the book, did some practice tests. Now #4.. it's do or die. It took her older sister Cassidy 5X, this is where sibling rivalry comes in handy. We changed locations for luck, and studied a little harder. It is amazing what being prepared does. She passed with only one question wrong. Now she wants to drive. Hayley believes that she has prior driving experience because of Wii Mario cart. "Mom, I got this" is not reassuring as she slams on the brakes to stop. A few more grey hairs on my head have appeared. As we drove through the neighborhood with my finger nails firmly planted in the dash, I saw one of my friends pushing her son in the stroller. It seems like yesterday that it was Hayley. Everyone always warned me that they grow up too fast. To me, it could never happen soon enough. Especially when none of the girls were sleeping through the night. Now, at that moment it was sadly true. Hayley is sleeping through the night, driving my car, but..... she still is my baby.

Happy Birthday Keeper

“The Keeper” is 12 today. This is a name my father gave to Kate when she was born. I remember the moment so well. He was looking down at her so proudly, commenting on what a beautiful baby she was, then he said “I think we will keep her”. Hence the name. When she was about 3 I had a vivid dream that she was hit by a car, to this day it still gives me goose bumps. Today I watched her carefully as she returned the cart back to the store. I just have to give her the look and she says “ I know mom, I am watching for cars”. Kate is the kindest (not the cleanest) out of all four. She always thinks of others first. She would spend every penny she had on someone else. When her big sisters call on her to get whatever their lazy teenage bodies need, she is happy to oblige. Kate can shed a tear over any situation good or bad. She has really big feelings and they need to come out (definitely a gene passed down from her fathers side). This summer at Sylvan Lake it was rumored that a boy really liked her and was going to ask her out, she soon put a stop to it by declaring to the whole camp that “she would rather eat herself”. Life through Kate's eyes is a wondrous place that is full of true friendships and a large family that cherishes her. Happy birthday keeper... Now clean your room!

Ok is Ok Today

How are you? Is one of those sentences we throw out everyday to anyone.  For some reason today, I was aware of who asked me.  The barista at Starbucks through the raspy speaker, mike from the sign company and the clerk at the grocery store.  I could have rambled on about my leaking shower or that it is August 9th and I still haven’t jumped into a lake.   However, I always just say fantastic, it almost knocks them off their feet.  After 1000 “fine, thank you” something different always stands out.  But the truth is not one of them really wanted to know, they just wanted my coffee order or my debit card.  My dear friend Kerry asked me today, she really does want to hear the answer.  I honestly said “ok”.  It was the truth, it was a rough day and I survived.  It’s ok to be ok.  and Ok is Ok for today, but not tomorrow.   Wednesday will be honestly be fantastic, I am zip lining with the girls!

Regret..

Sometimes when I have to make some tough decisions I ask myself “what would my 70 year old self say?’ This is one of my favorite life strategies given to me from a friend. I discussed this today with my 97 year old grandmother. I asked her..” if you could talk to your 40 year old self what would you say?” Imagine was 40 in 1954. She had lots of things she would change, and mostly had to do with the men in her life, and she should have never retired, it made her lazy. Then I asked my 75 year old mother. She said the most profound statement.. “I wish I would have realized what I had when I had it”. Jackie has two speeds as my father said Fast and off. When both conversations ended it really was about regret. Regret is something that we won't avoid. At 43, I am lucky that I still have time to make changes. When I look back I want to know that I spent as much time with the people I cherish most in this world. A reminder to everyone from my mother... realize what you have right now.

Mystery solved

The mystery of the chair was solved today.   I had planted my tuss on it watching the girls ride their scooters on the road, when a car pulled up with two teenagers. This is a regular occurrence here, even though Cassidy is still in Africa.  There is a group of 12 that affectionately call themselves “the cult”.  They have spent many hours in my kitchen gobbling down anything that was not nailed down.   I have received a few occasional drop in’s since Cassidy has been away,  just to check on the status of “Jan Jan”, the sisters and  the house.   Today,  Mitch and Rory showed up with that grin I have been waiting for.. That pleased look as they knew they had done good.  These two 17 year olds were out at a garage sale and saw the perfect chair for my step.  They dropped it off like it was no big deal.  I guess it wasn’t to them, but it was to me.   I often hear people talk about how teenagers these days are so unappreciative and self centered.  Well,   not “my cult”.  They are a special breed of teenager, thoughtful and kind.   Six days and counting.....Cassidy is home and my world will be right again with a kitchen full of hungry teenagers.  

New puppy

Today I had a couple of extra kids around. My niece Paige and nephew Noah. When you get additions to the house, it is a great thing. The kids stop fighting and all of a sudden a house that was so boring became so active. They played all day non stop. Summer days of sunshine are very few and they must be cherished at every moment. After supper, we ventured into the pet store to gaze at all the animals. The kids talked about what it would be like to own bunnies, rabbits, birds, fish and another dog. They pulled out the cutest little dashound cross to play with. Kate and Paige named her Solider girl. Noah and Billie called her cocoa... As the oohs and ahhs went on I knew the next question.. Can we keep her? So I did some day dreaming about what that would look like. A puppy is like having a newborn, cries in the night, pees on the floor and doesn’t listen. I am a single mom and the thought of one more thing in this house that has lost their capabilities to hear me would send me over the edge. That puppy was cute, but not worth my sanity or the $1100.00 price tag. When did dogs get so expensive?

Cheater!

I am a cheater... its true I cheated on my daughters hair dresser about a month ago. Lauren, who is one on my nieces oldest friends and a sweetheart, has been cutting the girls hair for about four years. One day I just had no time and my kids look like they had just crawled out of the bush. They had orthodontist appointments beside a great clips. So at one location the teeth got checked and the hair got cut. Great Cuts is really a play on words... They cut but not so great. As it was happening I instantly realized my mistake and began texting her, with a sincere apology. Billie left with much shorter hair than planned. Hair dressers are artists, they have plans for heads. Apparently I messed the long term grow out plan. Cheating on a hair dresser is a precarious thing, if they get angry, a couple of things could happen, prices go up or my kids could look like trolls. Today I walked into the salon with hesitation ready to face my punisment, instead she greeted me with open arms and a warm heart. No trolls, no price increase and no grudge.. just a bit of a lecture which I deserved. My lesson was learned... I am a taurus and loyalty is everything to me... Even over hair!

The Goal

Tonight was one of Hayley’s last soccer games of the outdoor season.   The girls have been practicing heading the ball in the net since we were in Vegas in February.  One practice we waited 30 min while the coach sent balls in from the corner.   As parents we have encouraged and even bribed the girls at every tournament for just one FIFA style goal.    Tonight Hayley finally headed the ball in the net and it was like the girls had won an Olympic medal.  They screamed and ran around the field like chickens who had lost their heads.   The parents were in complete shock.   I guess I have to pay up, it was worth it... Just to see the smile on her face.  Reminded me of Sylvester the cat in Looney Tunes cartoons when he finally got Tweety bird between his lips...

The Chair

A chair arrived on my front step two days ago...  A chair that is fit for gazing. There are  many days that I have sat on my front cement step watching the girls in the park or bike riding on the street.  Tuesday Morning the perfect chair appeared with no note.  I texted every friend asking who was so thoughtful, but have had no luck.  Lots of reply’s from them wishing  they would have thought of it, but no one admitting to this good deed.    I sat outside today responding to email watching Kate juggle with her soccer ball in the park loving my new spot in the sun.  Much like a cat curled up on the back of a couch in the sun, just enjoying the summer.  The kindness and thoughtfulness is much appreciated by this feline.

jump in

I had a long conversation with a friend today about their rocky marriage, somehow everyone believes I am now the resident on failed marriages. When mine collapsed, I looked for advice wherever I could get it, so now I am paying my dues. Looking back, I was willing to move.. Move away from the pain. If someone offered an activity, I tried it or a workshop, I registered. I just wanted out of the muddy river I was in and I knew that I couldn’t do it by myself. I think we call all agree that life is hard and we can all find ourselves in water over our heads. Today, I heard stories of hurt and anger. Why is it so easy it is to be cruel to those closest to us? And push away the people, that at one point, we declared our undying love for. It’s time for this couple to move forward in their relationship, together or apart. They are stuck in an eddy in the stream with no current. Water is power and at some point the river will get them. Sadly, it will be to late to fix it.

Holiday Traditions

Holidays are full of traditions, some are filled with family traditions like Christmas and others are filled with friend traditions like this August Long weekend.    Every year for the past 5 years this group of friends has gathered on Monday night to have a BBQ.   The host family, the Pidgeons,  decided it doesn’t have to be work.   So they request help, and we all happily pitch in bringing one dish.   As the friends arrive,  the table is soon filled with appetizers, salads and desserts.  The house is loud with conversation and laughter with no stress to the hosts  about fixing a gourmet meal (not to discount the fantastic burgers served each year).  Its just 20 friends,  enjoying each others company,  together for a BBQ.  Every dinner party and friendship should be this easy.