Get out and push

Just stop stand there and cry was my advice to my young cousins as they described their ordeal pushing a car for 4 hours down a mud road in Saskatchewan earlier this year. These are two farms kids, who knew that no one was coming for them, and they did what needed to be done and to get home. I was laughing as they showed me pictures of the car, no tears and no drama, plain and simple they were just stuck. It made me realize that there are some places in everyone’s life that we are stuck and its time to stop crying, get out and push... No one is coming, and we just have to save ourselves. I guess I can forget my on-star endorsement.

A truce with time

Saturdays usually give me anxiety. For most of us, Saturdays are usually consumed with driving kids to activities and fitting in errands at record speed. Today, when I woke up and realized I had nothing on the calendar I looked at the day with wonder. What do people do on Saturdays? How fast my mind was going with all the jobs that could get accomplished around here, but I just didn’t feel like it. So, I started slow. I enjoyed my coffee and the paper, yoga class, and lunch at the farmers market with the girls. I did get to some house work and laundry. I just mucked around, not really completing anything, but somehow still feel like things got done. No pressure, no extra driving, just enjoying the day. Isn’t this what summer is all about? Not battling with the schedule and fighting time? On this Saturday, time and I finally called a truce.

Broken glass

I got to do one of my favorite things today... golf with my friends. As we approached our second shot on the fifth hole at willow park golf, one of my girl friends, Heather told us how she had hit a stray ball a few weeks earlier and broke glass. She allowed groups to play through as she and her husband toured the homes along the course looking for damage. She never did find the broken glass, and ended up reporting it to the pro shop. We were all amazed at the effort that she had put to make her wrong a right. As Colleen said "true integrity is when you do the right thing, when no one else is looking ". That is good stuff.

And the Oscar goes too...

Sometimes people shock me, and today it happened. Shocked me in a good way. I had set myself up for a "world is ending" type scenario in my own movie and it didn't happen. I was reading from a script that hadn't finished being written. The only drama was being played out was in my own head. When the dust settled, my story direction changed. I am learning to look at issues differently but sometimes I get stuck in my old story. I need to learn how to wait until the time is right. I do it all the time with emails, phone calls and bills. Maybe I will envision my problems in an Oscar envelope, and when I am ready to deal, I will announce "the envelope please"... Now there is some good drama.

Sleepless nights

It's 4:09 and a sleepless night is upon me. We all have them every once in a while. Even though my body is completly exhasted I have a million thoughts running through my head. I don't sleep well when all the girls are not home. It must be that protective mother bear instinct. So here I lie awake and waiting for the sandman to find me. I have just spent an hour on the internet, and I have looked at every picture on facebook. I just searched the internet for ideas on how to fall asleep and nothing is jumping out at me. I did take one suggestion and I worked on my list of things to do. Maybe just accepting that Wednesday I will be tired and might get to sneak in a nap. Now were getting somewhere. Now, I will clean my room makes the nap guilt free later.

Less Drama

Last night, on our last night we had some girl drama. Girl drama is easy at the end of 7 days, we were all completely exhausted. Someone was left out and feelings get hurt. It is okay to have hurt feeling, being left out sucks. The great part of this girl drama was that the team was trying to fix it. The girls all gathered together to talk about what had happened. When I joined in it was a love in session, and everyone soon heard that there were many sides to the story. Lots of tears were shed some new boundaries were set and the girls are learning how to solve conflict with friends. All great life lessons. When you hear someone's problems you can clearly take out the emotion, see the issue and the solution. When its our own, we create a story without the facts, and mostly emotion.. So how do we have less drama? I thought about this all day and here is my insight... Make sure your like a news reporter in your own life and get all the facts straight before you decide to publish your story.

The Weather

Its almost done, just two more sleeps and my vacation is done. I looked at the forecast at home and it doesn't look like summer conditions. It looks more like spring. I am re-thinking why I live in a climate that only has one week of hot weather and its usually in February. Weather is one of the topics that everyone talks about, its to hot, to rainy, unseasonably humid. My favorite person to watch on the news is the meteorologist. With all the technology satellite imagery and dobbler radar they still can't give an accurate forecast. They guess for a living, somedays it reminds me of being a parent. You don't have all the answers, there is no crystal ball, no handbook, we rely only intuition. Maybe parenting is easier than forecasting the weather, but meteorologist get paid better.

Lost out

Hayleys team lost their soccer game today in the semi finals. Not because they were beaten by a better team, they were beaten by the heat. Losing key games at this age is different than Kate's team at 11. When Kate's team loses, they step off the field disappointed and for a few minutes reflect on what they could have done better. Hayley at 15 won't talk, and it might take a few hours to have a conversation that doesn't contain a grunt. These girls have finally gotten over the loss the giggles have returned. In the end its only soccer and the one thing that they will take away is the friendships and experience. How many people get to go to Minneapolis for summer vacation? Mall of America here we come.

Getting big when little ones get small

Day 4 of my vacation and I can tell you there is no rest. We are up moving, eating, moving, playing, moving, eating and now finally have put all 15 to bed. The girls are exhausted and the mothers are too. When girls get tired they get little... Like little girls... and they have temper tantrums, they stamp their feet and they sass the mother, even at 15. I don't take sass well and have told my soccer girls "don't sass the mother". When 3 moms are responsible for 15 girls there is no fooling around. The village is little, and the mothers are big. All mother's need to be big, I know my mother still is. I still have consequences at 43 with my mom.. now its probably no pie at the next family dinner, but in the end its respect. There is something in the saying "respect your elders". I am confused about when I became a "elder".

Day 3 Minnesota

I am in Minnesota with Hayley and her soccer team at the USA Schwann cup.  I feel like I am back in University.  We are staying at a dorm that has a curfew for players and chaperones.  I am being watched by the 19 year old  resident student.    I have broke several of the rules already,  not that I am a rebel but there are some necessities in life that we must have.... Internet.  I gave access to the girls, which for some reason was limited to the chaperones.  I can't be without internet for 7 days,  how could I tell the girls they had to be?   Things move so quickly on facebook  and not being on it in the last 3 days they have hours of photo tagging, status updates and pages to "creep".    I am here for another 4 days... This is my summer vacation,  I traded 4 girls this week for 15 and I am loving every minute of it.  

Packing up

I am packing up my house, we are all going on vacation, and not together. Hayley and I are off to Minnesota on Monday for a soccer tournament where I get to be mom to a team of 16 year old girls. Kate and Billie are off to San Diego with their Dad. It was crazy here for the last 3 hours. Everyone was trying to find all their items for the suitcase, including me. Why as woman we feel the need to have the house clean before we leave the city? As soon as all the girls come home and dump their suitcases full of dirty laundry it will look like the gypsy camp we live in once again. But here I was with the vacuum out, printing out boarding cards and on the phone with rogers for a US plan. No one can multi task better than a mother on a mission. I know when I arrive at my destination something will be forgotten. As long as it is not a kid, everything else can be handled by a visa. Who said getting away was relaxing?

Stampede

Its Stampede in Calgary and that means that everything shuts down for 10 day unless you are a bar or a western store. The ongoing festivities that overtake the city are endless. The great thing about being single at Stampede is you get invited to everything. Someone always only has one ticket. I said yes every time I got invited out and attended some amazing events. 10 days are taking the toll on my body. I tried to put my feet into the cowboy boots today for a BBQ and they said no way, so on went a pair of city slicker shoes. Stampede is like halloween for us city folks. We get to dress up and play cowboy. It always confuses me why people refuse to join the fun. To me wearing a cowboy hat is like adding a different persona. A wild west story develops in my head and all of a sudden I know how to two step and ride a horse. The stampede is serious fun, but I am ready to say good bye to the greatest show on earth. Right after the final rodeo on Sunday and a candy apple. Yee haw!

Off to Ghana

The house is busy tonight. Cassidy is getting ready for her trip to Africa. She leaves first thing in the morning. All the last minute to do's that have to be done before the zipper can be sealed on the suitcase. It has taken me by surprise that I no longer have a child, she is a young adult and how fast life is going. When she was 5 and wanted to ride her bike to the end of the street and back I considered all the dangers. Now 16 coming 17 traveling to the other side of the earth to teach english. It is impossible to consider the dangers, it is just to overwhelming. I have to trust in her and who she has become. Her father and I have taught her all we can, she is now making decisions as an adult yet still my child. Such an exciting time for her, and a very scary time for this mother. I know she will be safe and come home with an education that can't be supplied in Canada. It is going to be a long 30 days here without her. One positive thing will be that the basement will always be clean. Safe Travels Cassidy

living with regret

I have said many things in my life I wish I could take back. Lots of sarcastic humor that was hurtful, words shouted out in anger, or even worse sent in a text. I have never regretted saying a kind word. Well that is kind of true, once I commented on how beautiful a woman was and she thought I was hitting on her. Seriously can we not appreciate the beauty in another woman? Anyways, Tonight I sent out a note, with no other motivation than kindness. I had been thinking about it in yoga, it was time to forgive. My heart has been hurt and I closed it for the last year. I was trying to protect myself, and in the end I was just keeping all the toxic emotions in. W was wanting to keep all the evidence in case I ever wanted remind myself, I told you so. Its time to open myself up, and bust open the door. Time is ticking and I have wasted to much time in regret. What a coincidence , stampede week and all! Yee Haw

Doing the opposite

Tonight I snuck out of the house for a few hours to go see April Wine, brought back some great memories from the 80's. My phone kept vibrating, it was home. What could possibly be wrong? Well the 16 yr old and the 8 yr old were not getting along. My only advice to the teenager was to re-direct. Go for a bike ride and get ice-cream. If its not working for you then try something different. How many of us keep taking the same action and getting the same result? We all have something in our lives that just can't get resolved. Maybe doing the exact opposite is the way to go. Seinfeld had an episode about this exact subject. As Jerry explained to George " if every instinct you have is wrong then doing the exact opposite is right" What's the worst that could happen?

Here is the 3 min clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v​=cKUvKE3bQlY

George Costanza Does The Opposite

www.youtube.com

Seinfeld, George decides to do the opposite but with striking results.

cassidys party

Cassidy is leaving for Ghana in 5 days.. It seemed like a really great idea in January when she decided she wanted to go teach english. Now the mother is anxious about sending her. When any big trip is happening the count down starts . Last night was the official going away party. She had 35 of her closest friends over for her send off. One thing that is always so true is that the party always ends up in the kitchen. Why is the kitchen always the spot where the party really happens? With Teenagers, it is probably because it is where the food is. I consider the kitchen the heart of the house. It is the family gathering spot, where all the greatest stories are shared. The kitchen stimulates all of our 5 senses and its always warm. Cassidy's friends are like family to us, they tease the sisters, eat my food, walk in the front door without ringing the bell and leave laundry on the floor.. Yup, just like my kids. So It is fitting that her party was in the heart of our house.

baby steps

Every morning a man wakes me up around 3 with a email. My friend Howiej. He sends me two positive sentences everyday and sometimes they just hit home. Todays message was:

Janet, the best days of your life come in small steps. You don't have to do it all at once. Time passes only one second at a time, so pace yourself.

Pace myself? Who is he kidding. I was taught to believe that being successful meant completing as many things as I could everyday. What about my special talent of being a unsuccessful multitasker? Cassidy often complains about my broken english conversation with her while I am working on something else, usually I have no recollection of what was said. Okay Howiej, I will get serious and you are right. There are a few projects on my desk not started. This is not because I am pacing myself, its just because the job seems so daunting I don't know where to start. So taking a small step in the right direction. My first step is for Coffee, helps me get into the present.

If you want to receive a hopeful note from howiej in the mix of your coupons, and sale emails this is his email address. It always worth the read. howard@howardparsons.com

Call for help

The call for help brought my friends out by the truck loads today. I had numerous concerned callers worried about my state of mind after yesterdays blog. Yes, sometimes life is overwhelming the commitments can be mind boggling. But I woke up today better. We all know there is nothing like a good nights sleep to calm the mind. I also took my own advice (which is so much easier preached) and changed my "what." My birth sign is a taurus and I definitely fit into the generic taurus characteristics. I have trouble asking for help, and today I did. There is a freedom knowing that me and my car are going to get a rest for a few days. As a dear friend email me today "hey Janet, put down that cross, and pick up the joy compass"... Ok... Advice taken... compass pointed directly downtown... Bring on the Stampede...Yee haw!

It isn't what it is

"It is what it is"  why is this saying so popular?  I hear it all the time.  It is the new catch phrase like when 24/7, or gag me with a spoon.   However, this particular saying really bothers me for some reason.   It is like accepting the circumstances or saying you can't change the outcome of the "what".  I need to change my what's around here.   I am tired of being inside of  "it is what it is".  I just decided after a teary phone call with a friend that -it isn't what it is because I am willing to change it.    I get overwhelmed with stuff, which I am tonight.  I looked to far into my calendar which was just to the weekend and I feel overloaded.  Changing my " what" is  changing the schedule and asking for help.   Summer are suppose to be lazy and carefree, but someone forgot to tell my kids.   I want to gag myself with a spoon 24/7 right now.... 

karmasisters: The "b" word

karmasisters: The "b" word: "A budget, also know as the 'b' word. When we first talked about expenses, bills and watching our spending everyone's eyes glazed over includ..."

The "b" word

A budget, also know as the "b" word. When we first talked about expenses, bills and watching our spending everyone's eyes glazed over including my own. It has been a very long time since I have had to watch my money (within reason of course.) I wouldn't go out to a high end store and buy designer clothes or refurnish rooms every year. What really had to changed was my thinking around eating out, travel or other small expenditures that add up quickly. When I first started chopping costs out went the maid. I have four capable daughters who didn't know what a toilet brush looked like. I still question this after they have "cleaned" their bathroom. One great thing about having a budget is you get to say no and it sticks, no questions. Teenagers had to get jobs to afford their clothes at Aritzia, what 14 year old needs $90 shorts? "Working is hard" was the quote when I did the pick up from work today. Yup, the "b'" word, lots of great lessons being learned around here...including hard work.

It was Mrs White in the Library with the candlestick

I am reading this great book and one of the chapters is called "your children only get one childhood make it a good one" Yes, insert mother guilt here. I feel a bout of it coming on. Sure I try to make it to every sports game, drive anyone everywhere, get the household duties done, but I use to be way more fun. I loved to paint rocks, bake cookies, make experiments and just muck about. I just don't have the time or energy anymore. I texted the girls to check up on them today and they were playing the board game clue. I was jealous. I love clue. I actually rock at clue. It's my eagle eye on the other detective's sheets. Some call that cheating I call it good detective work. I miss being a kid, my body is breaking down, my energy level decreased, I won't even talk about my memory and no one ever invites you over to play clue. Maybe its time I un-growed up. Bring on Mrs White and the Library.

The Roadway systems

As a mother of four a Saturday means schedules. The drop off and pick up times become an art form. I woke up in such a start today, a complete haze. I instantly thought that I must be late... even worse, missed something. Today was the first Saturday in a very long time that I was at home with the girls and no where to go. When the morning haze had worn off, I had nothing to do, and no scheduled driving .... This is hard for my "got to go" personality. I can always find something to do, somewhere to go, some project to complete. As I laid in the quiet of the morning listening to the birds, I decided that I would stay as close to home as I could. I failed by 10 am. Yup, in line at Rona. BUT, I had a return and wanted some shale... oh crap that was a project... Last year, I did not spend one minute in my yard. Weeds look like flowers if you walk by quick enough, right? In the end, girls still need rides to the mall, for pizza, and to friends. And more importantly shale. Probably a busy day for someone, but for me it was my definition of quiet. My car wasn't on any major artery . I guess that's is the simplest way to mark my lazy day as a success.. The roadway system.

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Happy Birthday Canada

Happy birthday Canada. I was lucky to spend most of my day with family at Heritage Park. The crowds of people wearing red and flags made me proud to be Canadian. So what does being Canadian mean to me to me? Well-We are a hearty bunch, just think about the size of our mosquitos. If you're not looking they can carry babies away. Our winters are long, and the summers are short. Somehow global warming just hasn't found us yet. When the frost leaves the ground and summer arrives, we enjoy every moment. We care for the environment and turn off the lights and recycle because it's the right thing to do. Whenever I travel to another country, I always tell the people to party with Canada, we are just more fun. How about our beer? You just can't beat an ice cold Canadian. I own a water bottle that has a saying that sums it all up " the world could use more Canada". I hope you had a fantastic Canada Day.

Rail Track

I have two people in my life who are unable to take the easy road. It is almost like one train wheel has left the track and they are bumping along on the wrong side of the rail. They work harder at absolutely everything. When they look around , life just seems so easy for everyone but them. As I am writing this and thinking, isn't really is true for everyone? We all have those people in our lives that seem to have it all figured out. Perfect family, great job, the home and gardens house. But if you were to ask them would they be able to tell you its easy? They probably would spit their water across the table at you in sheer laughter. I read a interesting article about other peoples problems and the short of it is... " if we threw our problems in a pile and got to look at everyone else's, we'd fight to get back our own" Isn't this the truth. I guess it doesn't matter what journey we are on, wheel on the track or off, we all can find our wheel outside the track every once in a while, some more often then others.