New today on the web

Its hard keeping up to everything that is happening on the web.    There are so many new sites popping up its impossible to stay relevant.   Who has time?... People are now site dropping... It is equivalent to name dropping in the “old” days.    Its tiring and I now find myself nodding my head like I know what they are talking about.  The truth is,  I have trouble reading all of my own emails and keeping up with face-book.   More importantly....I don’t want anymore irrelevant email.     Sometimes it is good to go old school... Fake it until you make it... or until you get a chance to google it on your phone.. 

Tapas.... Not just a spanish dish

7 days ago we were handed homework leaving yoga training it was to decide on a tapas and commit.  As I left the studio I  thought my gurus had lost their minds.  Tapas are a spanish food dish, what was there to decide... but to my surprise  Sanskrit  has tapas too. Wikipedia definition  is "heat", refers to a personal endeavor of discipline, undertaken to achieve a goal, accompanying suffering and pain”.   Why do I want to do anything that causes me suffering and pain?  These yogis are really putting me to the test.  As I stuffed a handful of M & M’s in my mouth, I couldn’t really think of what I could do to myself other than taking away my starbucks.  That would just cause suffering and pain to my family.  Caffeine is life support.  Then as my hand reached for the swedish berries, it dawned on me.. I love candy.  If candy is shaped like a fruit it is one...Right?     So here is my Tapas, I am off of refined sugar for 14 days.  No candy, cupcakes, or ice-cream..... I feel pain already.  Day one down, 13 to go.  Yogis!  Seriously.. Bring on the Spaniards!

Muppets back on the big screen

I got to take the girls to the movies today. They didn’t want to go, but I had a temper tantrum and made them come. My favorite childhood show “The Muppets” were back on the big screen and not in 3D. Quite frankly I find 3D distracting. Having to wear the glasses, waiting for the next thing to jump out, gives me a nervous twitch. As we waited for the movie to start, watching the 15 min of previews, it occurred to me that I enjoy PG movies more that adult movies. Kids movies are about friendship, learning lessons and finding out who you are. Everything I am working on. Adult movies are about love triangles, violence or vampires. I haven’t seen a adult movie in the last year that I walked away thinking it was worth my time or money. The Muppets on big screen, hanging with my girls having some straight up belly laughs over ridiculous 80‘s humor. I walked out singing a old muppet classic, brings me back to my childhood. Now that’s a Sunday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N_tupPBtWQ

Muppet Show - Mahna Mahna...m HD 720p bacco... Original!

www.youtube.com

Mahna Mahna Muppet Show original song HD 720p

Anxious bus

The anxious bus came along today, ran me over, backed up and rolled over me again and for no particular reason. Being anxious is a terrible feeling, there is a great heaviness on the chest and my thoughts are not reasonable.. Quite frankly its almost paralyzing. I went through the inventory of self help books nothing... then to ..the internet for meditations... How can you meditate when my heart is pounding?.. I love distraction so I jumped in my car and headed off to a friends. As soon as I sat down in her kitchen, a few laughs and great conversation my condition was forgotten.. I am not sure if it was misery loves company or forget your troubles.... I’ll take both and a spoon full of laughter.

This is my story

“This is my story” was the opening line tonight at my 17 year old daughters high school play.  It was powerful..   There was a profound moment as my jaw was hanging down..  staring at my daughter and her friends.... They nailed it.. and they are in High School.      At 43, conversations with my friends revolve around a need to be heard and to be seen.  Not as mothers, as volunteers, or in our careers but for who we are underneath all the labels.  Then in front of me was a cast of High School students talking about the exact same thing.    We are two different generations looking for who we are and being accepted for it.    Maybe they have uncovered the secret to their lives at a early age... To be who they truly are, not wrapped up in what anyone else thinks.      The greatest gift you could ever give yourself is to listen to your own teacher.  The one that tells you who you are.  Believe... It saves decades of time in self doubt and barrels of money in counseling...Just saying from 4 decades experience. 

Just like my mom

Where’s my Mommy!  I am wondering as I sat down to write this blog.  She has been traveling in the USA with her friend for over a week.   The woman is 75 and the grass doesn’t go green under her feet.  For some reason she still believes that long distance charges are similar in cost to traveling to the moon.   I don’t expect to hear from her everyday, but a check in would be nice.  I just want to know that she didn’t buy another time share, marry a 90 year old man or get lost on a bus tour.   I make my daughters check in and now I am going to have to put my own mother on notice.   I can’t believe what just happened...  the tables have turned and now I am keeping tabs on my mom... OMG, soon I will be watching curling and talking about the price of butter.  It’s the evolution of the woman, we slowly turn into our mothers... Good thing I am so fantastic, my girls should look forward to being exactly like me!

flowing with fear

Why does fear cripple us? We all have some sort of fear in our lives and it manifests in different ways. I know when I have to make a major decision in my life, I always find a new project to distract myself. I almost took a job at the Mac store today in a effort to self sabotage my own personal project... Karma Sisters. I now can recognize my trigger. I am the master of over doing... I heard from another friend who spent the day physically ill, paralyzed and silent in her own fear. Got me thinking about life is like a river. Every river has a beautiful calm spot where the birds are singing and the water is crisp, clean and inviting. As you venture further down, a giant log jam appears just enough to put you on guard. Then of course, you hear the rushing of the water and suddenly the pace of the water picks up. You know your approaching a steep waterfall and its life or death. You can grasp all the branches you want but your going over. Fighting only makes it worse, sometimes you have to just go with the flow. The greatest glory is looking from the bottom of the falls. The sound of the water, the vapors drifting and the pristine pool of water. To me that is conquering the fear, when you get to look back and say I did it. I survived and I am ok.

Mid Life crisis

There has been lots of chatter in my monkey mind about what’s my next step.  I am now looking into the world and wondering what is possible for me.  I no longer want a job just to have one.  I want something that I enjoy and challenges me everyday.  I have the luxury to dream and dream big.     Its a very exciting stage as I get to take a new life out for a test drive, discover what I like and discard what I don’t.     Midlife crisis?  Absolutely, I am just sad it took me to the middle of my life to say  “who am I?”.    Imagine being honest and turning back the clock and asking in your 20’s.  What a different world we would all live in.    Since I didn’t do the work then, I have to do it now... with reckless abandonment.  Time is ticking.     I can relive my 20’s... Just in a 40 something body with better shoes.   

The Finder

I am the finder of things in this home.  Like all mothers,  it is one of those jobs that can’t  be put on our resume, but damn were good at it.    As my children get older, I thought that the lost and found department would require less staff.. Not true.  “Someone” still lives here.  “ Someone took it”, is the most common statement, which usually follows a hair flip or a hand gesture like Vanna White pointing to the scene of the crime.    Today,  I found a couple of important items that have been lost for months.  Oddly enough they were found in 5 steps of “someone's”  bedroom.    I am looking back into my own life and can’t remember my mother as my detective, but I am sure she was.    What age did I suddenly take ownership of my life and my stuff?   Probably around the time I gave birth to  “ someone”.  

Failure is not a option

What is failure is not a option?  And you lived in your life everyday with this attitude.     I am thinking about all the amazing stories about woman who lifted cars to save their children.  Or all the other’s who have 3 jobs to support their families and start new business’s?     They have no time to consult their council of crazy, who’s president is the mean girl.  They are busy in the doing and not in the maybe.   Great ideas are only dreams until they are put into action.   Not mentally or physically strong enough is not ever discussed because...  Failure is not a option... Could be my new tag line.  

mind bully

I have a bully,  she is my oldest friend, and she lives inside of me.  She always has something to say, even when I don’t want to hear it.  I have decided we need a break.   I want a new true story.    We all have a mind bully who tells us stories and compares us to others.   She appears when we are tired, overwhelmed or looking for some kind of meaning in our life.   She usually has a long list of arguments on why we should not try something new.... “ your not her, your not educated, you have no time, your not good enough”.    The crazy thing is,  as mothers we would jump in and stop another person who was speaking to our child like this.   We would never talk to a beloved friend or sister with such language.   So why do we listen to the doom and gloom in our minds?   What possibilities are ahead for us being who we are naturally ... Just who we are.. not anyone else.. Just you.. Powerful stuff...  See ya mean girl... My mom says we can’t be friends anymore.  

Two moments in one day...

It’s 11:01 AM as I begin to write this blog.   I just had my moment of silence for our fallen soldiers and for the veterans left behind to remember.  One moment a year to thank and pray for our soldiers who secured our freedoms.  Freedoms that we seldom appreciate.   Then the next big moment of the morning is approaching 11:11 AM.  I have just bellowed out in my great big Mom voice “10 min!”.   10 min to think about your wish at 11:11 am.  The pressure is on, and my mind is spinning with possibilities.   Does one wish for millions of dollars?   Nope... It would be nice but that not what comes from the soul.    I haven’t read any rules on having to limit my wishes so I am going to be greedy and pick 3.    One wish for my family, one for the planet and one for me.  My wish for  my family will be to live long,  healthy & INSANELY happy lives.    And for the planet,  peace.    I asked the girls what their wish was and of course they would not tell me.   It’s back to those old wives telling tales... “If you tell your wish it wont come true”.    So,  I will save my personal wish for myself, just incase that old wife is watching.  

11/11/11 wish wisely

There is lots of talk about the full moon on the eve of 11/11/11.   I was out at a yoga sisterhood class tonight.  We had a candle light practice in a circle of woman.   If someone passed by and looked in they might have believe we were howling at the moon or perhaps embracing the dark arts.  Crazy hippies...  But the truth is we were just practicing yoga in the dark.    After class talk turned to the significance of the numerology of Friday.  Many believe that multiple 1‘s:  relate to energy and the flow of water, money,  & kundalini.     Therefore,  if you make a heart felt wish, one that you truly want deep down in your soul,  it will manifest and come true.  So don’t waste this precious energy and wish wisely.  Don’t over think it... But,  remember the old wives tale... Careful what you wish for, as it might come true.    I am wishing my Karma Sisters blessings.

I want out!

“I want out of my 5 km radius!” was what I shouted today in a yoga teachers class.    I had no idea that most of my days are spent in a very small world.  I drop kids off at school, get grocery’s, go to yoga, get coffee, work from my home office, but all within 5 km.  The assignment that brought me to this revelation was...   1.  What do I want?   2.  What do I need?    3.  What do I desire?  Once the material items were completed (everyone needs a Porsche Boxster to get to and from coffee) the real true soul work began.  I had no idea what I really wanted.  No one ever asks, and more importantly, I never ask myself.  I often feel like I have no time, so why bother.   As I sat in the silence of the room and watched everyone feverishly scribbling on their pads, I began to have a panic attack.  How could everyone in the room know what they really want?    Then it hit me...I want out out of my “safe” radius.   More adventure, more excitement, more learning.   Now that I answered that question...  The next big question is how do I get there?   Well hopefully in a Porsche!

Friendship via text message

I have a friends who most of our communication is done in 40 characters or less.  Time is racing by and we steal moments to reach out to each other.    I find as woman we are moving away from the old days of crying in the coffee, we can now empower each other through text messages.  Technology has can be the best spirit lifter around.  Drop someone a text ... No other reason than you are thinking of them.  It will probably change their day.  

random acts of kindness

Random acts of kindness are happening all around us.  And I don’t think I was really paying attention. I got a list from a friend yesterday on how people have gone out of their way to be nice to her.  Nothing life shattering, but little things.  For example,  getting a free wash ticket for her car from a stranger.   She was beaming as she was telling me.    Imagine if we all went out of our way to do something nice for someone?   Not anything that would really inconvenience our own lives,  just simple gestures.    I took note today in my own life on how many times kindness was sent my way, and if I could pay kindness back.  Lots of little things add up to a great day.  Text message from a friend I haven’t talked to in a while, a free coffee at starbucks, a great conversation at the dog park with a stranger, and letting someone with two items go ahead of me at Costco.   It’s the kindness pay forward movement.  One random act at a time... The tricky part is just staying present to be able recognize kindness when it happens to you.